Whether your partner has been in a month-long affair or is making out with someone else, getting cheated on really hurts. Still, that doesn’t mean that your relationship no longer worth salvaging. In fact, a couple therapist in Singapore revealed that many couples tend to develop stronger connections after facing an infidelity issue.

However, there are still some things you should avoid doing to keep yourself from sabotaging your efforts to rebuild your relationship – and some of those things are as follows:

1. Ignoring the Infidelity Issue

You may be tempted to act like nothing happened later on, but doing so will only keep you from addressing any underlying issues in your relationship. Understanding the meaning behind his infidelity is crucial as it often reflects the individual’s satisfaction in the relationship. Perhaps it was just a one-time moment of weakness on your beau’s part, or is an attempt to find something that he thinks is missing in your relationship. Either way, realizing the issue behind it will help in bringing you closer and avoiding the same problem from happen again.

2. Blaming Yourself

Your partner’s infidelity isn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve it and you’re not responsible for his actions, so stop beating yourself over the person’s bad decision. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t also consider understanding and meeting his needs if you want to save your relationship. Knowing why such thing happened and understanding your role in it will surely help in empowering both you and your relationship.

3. Thinking About Getting Even

Sure, trashing your unfaithful partner on social media – or cheating on them as well – might make you feel better for a moment, but thinking about evening the score with him won’t help in resolving the issue. In fact, it would just worsen the situation. Right now, what’s important is that you both do what you can to make the other feel that you’re in the same team again.

4. Rushing the Healing Process

Your significant other’s betrayal could hurt you for a long time, so learn to be patient with yourself and let him know that he needs to be patient with you as well. It’s important for him to understand that you’re devastated and that it could be difficult to put things back together. You’ll eventually realize that you need to make major changes in your relationship, but for now, don’t rush yourself.

Trashing or getting even with your partner might seem like the best thing to do after discovering his infidelity, but doing it won’t really bring any good to either your relationship or your well-being. Instead, carefully process the situation and let yourself heal at your own pace.

Every day, you have the opportunity to show your spouse how much you love her. It can be in a form of doing favours, doing the dishes or by simply leaving an unexpected note—it doesn’t have to be intimate or too grand. It can be a small act that shows kindness, concern and care that will remind her of your love for her.

1. Write Her a Random Note

This could be the simplest you can do. It doesn’t have to be in a fancy card; just on a sticky not letting her know how beautiful she is or to have a wonderful day. Sneak it in her purse or on the mirror of her vanity.

2. Help Make the Bed

Start the day by lending your spouse a hand in doing your bed. It’s always easier to do it with someone, and it is a few more seconds to bond with your spouse before starting your day.

3. Take Care of the Garbage

It is always your job to take the garbage out. No questions asked.

4. Secure the Doors and Turn Off the Lights

Before going to bed at night, walk around the house to lock the doors and windows and turn out the lights. This is a very manly act that will make your wife feel safe and secured all the time.

5. Do the Dishes Without Being Asked

She has done all the cooking, so it’s time for you to do the dishes. Don’t wait to be asked. Take care of it right after meal.

6. Compliment Her

Even if you’ve been together for so long and you’ve told her so many times, remind her how lovely those eyes you fell in love with. There are so many things you love about her, so talk about them more often.

7. Observe What Needs to Be Done

She doesn’t want to command, so avoid asking and just do it right away. If you noticed she’s having a hard time doing something, help her out. She’ll appreciate your initiative; it means you’re keeping an eye on her.

8. Hug Her

Hug her before getting out of bed in the morning. Hug her before leaving the house. Hug her when you get home. Hug her before going to sleep. And make sure they aren’t just light hugs; give her bear hugs.

Take mental note of this list, think of a few more to add, and remember these two important words: “Yes, dear.”

When you see all those many individuals walking down the streets of Singapore, have you ever wondered how two totally different individuals get attracted to each other and want to be together? Was there ever an instance in your life when most of your friends wanted to set you up with someone that you can’t stomach to be with? I mean, the person’s not that bad but you simply can’t see the both of you in a romantic setup. Or maybe there’s this one person you really think is great but your friends think you’re just crazy.

Here’s a little bit of theories and explanation on how we get attracted to someone:

Evolution theory

This is the first theory that tries to explain how human beings pick someone over a choice of many. Scientists say that as the theory of survival goes, we get attracted with someone whom we think is strong, healthy and attractive. Someone who possesses this trait can help us continue our genes to avoid extinction. This is also how the weakest among us will fade away in time.

Hormones theory

This theory suggests that we go through different stages before we completely fall in love with someone. It also indicates the central role of hormones that our bodies release in each of the different stages as the main cause behind why we feel the way we do. These different stages are Lust, Attraction, and Attachment.

Lust

The first stage on how we fall in love with someone is Lust. The sex hormones at work in this stage are none other than testosterone for the men and estrogen for the women. These sex hormones send signals to our brain where we think of sexual fantasies. We look at the other person as desirable and someone that can satisfy our carnal longings.

Attraction

The second stage is when attraction happens. This can also be likened to what many call as Infatuation as this is when an individual believes that he or she has already fallen in love with the other person. In such a stage, an individual claims that he or she can’t eat, sleep, and move without thinking of the other person. This sweet phase is when the other person is all that matters. The hormones at work at this stage are dopamine and adrenaline.

Attachment

Finally, there’s still another stage to go just when you think that you have already fallen in love with the other person. Attachment is the final stage where most scientists believe is the most critical stage for a successful relationship. The hormones that make this possible are oxytocin and vasopressin.

Women have the tendency to think too much and overanalyze things so they worry more often than men do. One of the things Singaporean women worry a lot about are the dates they go to. First dates can be as terrifying for women as it is for men. Maybe it’s just not that obvious for men. Maybe women are just better at pulling off a poker face. Imagine the terror when women think about the possibility of their date realizing they’re not pretty enough or that they made the wrong choice.

These are some of the things women should not do on their first date:

Do not talk about things that are too personal

Yes, first dates are meant for both of you to get to know each other better. But don’t overdo it by talking about things that can be too personal. You can wait for a better time to share the nitty-gritty details about your life. On your first date, talk about things that you love and what you’re interested in instead of confiding all your fears, regrets, and longings.

Do not talk about your previous relationships

Talking about your past relationships does not paint a good picture. It doesn’t really matter if you have a good story to tell. Guys wouldn’t want listening stories about other guys especially on first dates. This may only send a message that you’re still pining over your ex boyfriend or that you haven’t really moved on yet and not yet ready for a relationship.

Do not try too hard to be sexy

You might want to appear sexy but having the right amount of self-confidence and a great personality is the new meaning of sexy. Girls who appear too hard to be one can be too obvious. This may easily turn a guy off and guys might even think you’re easy to get.

Do not laugh all the time

Girls who laugh all the time at all of the guy’s jokes can be a major turn off. This may easily let your date know that you’re being too easy where easy may also mean boring. Guys would either drop their interest on you or pursue you for the wrong reasons.

Do not drink too much

Men don’t like drunken women as much as women don’t like drunken men. The sight of a person having too much of a drink has never been appealing, either.

I have come to believe that there’s one man for every woman in Singapore. Let me paint the picture for you. The ratio between the male and female Singaporeans does not create such a gap. There’s 50.4 % male population and 49.6% female population. 77% of Singaporeans are adults. I think that these numbers should be great news to every single lady out there. This is encouraging especially when you consider that the female population almost always outweighs the male in other countries. What this means is that single women have a choice if they want to do something with their love lives – or the lack of it.

Let me share some practical tips on how one can get a boyfriend so there should be no reason to be loveless when Valentine’s Day hits again next year:

Be Unattached

Still stalking your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook account? Still following his Twitter or Instagram posts? Or are you wasting your time on a label-less relationship where the guy clearly has no intention to commit? If you want to be taken seriously, you need to take yourself seriously first. Break off from dead-end relationships. Move on from your past relationships. Commit to yourself first before you can expect anyone to commit to you.

Love Yourself

You can’t give what you don’t have. So you can’t truly love other people if you don’t love yourself. This is what it means when they say you need to be whole before you enter into a relationship and not expect the other person to complete you or fill that void. Get to know yourself. Find out what you really like. Be your own best friend. Follow this and you’ll be amazed to see that awesome confident you that’s been hidden all along.

Be Ready To Mingle

Stop sitting around doing nothing. Stop waiting for miracles to happen, too. No, it’s never going to rain men. Get up on your feet and do something. Did you get it when they said “Single and ready to mingle”? That only means that this singleness is your YOU time. Don’t deprive the world of your amazing self. Go out and have some fun. Make new friends. Make new male friends. And when you make friends, don’t do so just because you’re looking for a boyfriend. Appreciate the persons for who they are. It’s better to fall in love with a friend.

Stick To What You Want

So you’ve let go of your baggage, you learned to love yourself, and you’ve been making new friends including those of the opposite sex. It’s easy to lose yourself when things are going great again. But this is the time for the better version of you to emerge. Know the qualities you want in a boyfriend. Figure out what imperfections you’re willing to tolerate and what your non-negotiables are. Determine why you want to be in a relationship. You have come a long way. By now you should have come to appreciate your value.

Make Your Move

Finally, don’t be afraid to initiate the steps when there’s some guy you like. This doesn’t mean you have to confess your feelings right then and there and propose a relationship. This may simply mean striking a wholesome conversation and initiating steps to start a friendship. Put on that sexy healthy confidence.